My Ongoing Recovery from HTSD (Halloween-Traumatic Stress Disorder)

In a former blog post Farewell to October- Some Thoughts Before Moving On, I talked about my feelings of blessings and feelings of tension during the month of October last year. In the blessing category was Anna's birthday, our family sense of humor, and the cooler temperatures in Nevada. In the tension category came "themed bikinis" and my HTSD (halloween-traumatic stress disorder). All of this led to some good discussion last year. Processing with others-- especially with humor-- is a great way to live life and can serve as encouragement to find a new way to journey. Some of this discussion has surfaced again. If you want the full context, I encourage to read last year's blog entry first.

My friend Kerryann reminded me of last year's conversation when she posted the first "themed bikini" costume advertisement on my Facebook wall this month. I had not even thought about this until she reminded me that we are in that season again. And there is was again! "Sexy Corn". Because nothing says sexy like a piece of corn. And this year's new "themed bikinis" are even more ridiculous. Seriously, how "sexy" is the character Olaf from Frozen? Cute, perhaps... and I really enjoyed his character in the movie.  But he is made of snow, sticks, coal and a carrot. And isn't Olaf a boy? So that would make him a sexy boy? Hmmm... There is the yuck of this all and the need for discussion on appropriateness, but there is the practical side too. Aren't fall temperatures cold in many locations in the USA?  I've seen the weather reports and many places have already gotten [gasp] snow! If the poor little children try these costumes out, they might freeze to death. So error on the side of caution and save the children! :) From the posts of my friends on social media this year, I know I am not alone in how I feel. Ok, enough of my rant... moving on.

What I really want to talk about is the progress I have made in redeeming this season. Last year I talked about finding a different way after having discussion with my daughter Anna (see former blog post). So instead of just gritting my teeth and trying to ignore the overwhelming display of evil or gore (HTSD (halloween-traumatic stress disorder), which I personally dislike; I decided that we would intentionally decorate for the fall season and find ways to celebrate it. We have been enjoying building our collection of fall-themed decorations and making the outside of our house look beautiful. It is a welcome relief to arrive at my home after having to drive through a neighborhood of dismembered limbs, cemetery signs, skeletons, and ghosts. I like my happy home, and I think it communicates accurately who I am and what I believe. We plan to add more decorations next year, but we are off to a good start!

Since the theme of my blog is being authentic... I wanted to give you an update on my progress of redeeming this season. More and more I am realizing how Jesus came to redeem us in all things- our hearts, minds, bodies and souls-- our relationships and emotions-- our past, present and future. He came to give us a new perspective for the way to live. He came to give us a fresh start. And for me, it is amazing how he has conquered evil and fear... and wants us to participate in helping set others free from this as well. Perhaps these fall themed decorations are a small and insignificant thing in view of the complexities and emotions we all deal with in our lives, but this small experiment showed me that I do indeed have choices should I choose to exercise them. And it has reminded me of the beauty of redemption.

  

"There is a time for everything, 

and everything on earth has its special season."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

NCV (New Century Version)

Unplugging...

Unplugged
Photo by Ellysia Koenig Banks

I have a love/hate relationship when it comes to electronics and social media.

I love them because they keep me connected to family and friends, and allow me to stay in touch with the world-at-large. It is wonderful to celebrate with others as they have special moments in their lives... or I have cause to celebrate in mine. There can be moments of play and humor that simply make life fun. To capture a special moment using the convenience of my phone camera is sweet. It can be enhancing to be part of artistic or Christian community that encourage, challenge me, and help me expand my growth.

My daughter just peaked over my shoulder and said, "That is ironic. You are writing a blog that requires people to use electronics to read it."  Obviously, I readily admit there is good to social media and the use of electronic devices. I have many different accounts and use many devices that enhance my work, life and faith.  

Yet.... I have to admit I have a hate relationship with electronics and social media. There is much noise, noise, noise that comes through the broadcast channels of email, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. There is so much that arrives at my eyes, mind, and emotions that are NOT the way I want to live:

"...think about the things that are good and worthy of praise. Think about the things that are true and honorable and right and pure and beautiful and respected." Philippians 4:8

And honestly, I have come to realize that I am a "functional introvert". This means I can function in life amongst other human beings and enjoy it, but I also get drained of energy if I am around people, noise, and stimulus too much. I realize that I need a balance if I am to feel healthy and thrive. And for me, I am beginning to realize that this includes not only live people time-- but also monitoring my use of social media and electronics.

Last week after a particularly draining week electronically (for a variety of reasons), I made the intentional decision that from Saturday night until Monday morning I was going to practice the spiritual discipline of "Unplugging".

Adele Ahlberg Calhoun defines it this way in an excerpt from her book Spiritual Disciplines Handbook: Practices That Transform Us.  

Unplugging (p. 85-87)

Desire: "To be fully present to and uninterrupted in my interactions with God and others.  

She writes, "Unplugging recognizes that personal beings are created for personal interaction with God. We need to be in the presence of each other. Digital connections aren't enough to keep us healthy. We need to be touched. We need nonverbal signals. We need uninterrupted spaces in our lives for the presence of God and the presence of others.   

With the aid of technology we can attempt to juggle multiple worlds at the same time. But we can't keep juggling for twenty-four hours a day and not get worn out.   

In a world where people use the Internet an average of 30 hours a week and keep the TV or radio on 7.9 hours a day, we need to get unplugged from virtual reality and address our addiction to technology and the toxins it brings into our lives. Unplug, and look into the eyes of another human face--see the beauty of God's creation!" p. 87 

I love that Adele calls it what it is... "Unplugging"... and thus speaks directly into our present society. Unplugging = pull the plug on devices that require electricity and be more fully present to God and others...and to myself.

Yes, I intentionally decided the world could go on without me for a little more than 24 hours. I did not check my email. I did not look at Facebook. I did not read Twitter. I did not look at Instagram. I did not work on my computer. I put my cell phone in my office and walked away. This was made possible because on Saturday night and Sunday my entire family was at home together.

At this point you may be responding in your head with a few different responses: 1. "This is crazy talk! You are nuts if you think I am going to do this!"  2. "Cool, maybe I should try it." or 3.  "I don't have a problem with this... I manage myself perfectly.  It is only only you who has a problem."  Feel free to interact as you need to.  :)

So, what did I do instead of managing these electronic devices?

I had a clearer mind-- I could be more fully me inside my own skin and mind... and be available in the moments.   

I drew in my artistic journal and tried something new.  It was incredibly fun to do something creative.   

After church on Sunday, I curled up next to my husband and took a nap on the couch while our kids occupied themselves.  

I had interaction with my daughter, who I think found me more approachable since she talked and joked with me more than normal all day long. 

I read more of my book and proved myself wrong in my often stated words, "I don't have time." (for transparency and honesty: Yah, I do... I just don't manage my time wisely).  And while reading my book the author asked, "Which tasks that you have been doing today have drained you of energy, and which have appeared to recharge your batteries?" (p. 204, Inner Compass by Margaret Silf).  

As I continued to reflect on this, try the spiritual discipline exercises, and read more*, I realized how much I do not have proper boundaries when it comes to electronics and social media in the daily rhythm of my life. It was hard to honor this idea of "unplugging" even for only a day or so. I was tempted often to pick up my devices. In this short time, I realized how addicted I am to my devices. I realized how I use them to fill time with mindless activity to numb or distract. I also realized that I am actually allowing others instant access to my life, my space, and my priorities...whether I am aware of it or not.

The minute I even look at my phone--I allow that to take over as the priority of my life.  It consumes my focus and my time.

When I mindlessly open my email or Twitter, I let whatever is waiting instantly invade that moment. 

A click on Facebook or Instagram... and a barrage of images and banter comes flooding into my day. The good... but also the bad and the ugly.  

Ready or not--here it comes! Most time I will admit that I am NOT ready. 

I realize that by not intentionally choosing when and where and how I use social media and electronic devices, I am allowing other things and other people to have control of my time, my thoughts, and even my emotions. While social media and electronics can be blessings in many ways, as I mentioned above, they can also become curses.  

Would I allow a whole group of people to occupy my house and my space without planning or invitation?  Nope.   

Do I allow my special time with my beautiful family to be invaded and controlled by others?  I try not to.   

Would I allow a random group of people to dictate what my schedule of work for the day should be?  Nope.

Do I allow myself to purposefully be around conversations in daily life that are not life-giving or are toxic?  I try not to be.   

So why do I allow this to happen virtually?

So I asked myself, what can I do differently? And I came up with this. I am going to try asking myself a question before picking up an electronic device, or clicking to open any program/application.  The question I am going to ask myself is this:

"Do I give permission for these people or this information to enter my life at this moment?" 

If the answer is "No" -- do not proceed! Seriously... put the device down and walk away!

If the answer is "Yes" --  proceed -- but with caution while staying fully engaged. Maintain ability to process what I want to see and what I don't.  Stop when it isn't where I want to be.  I wonder if it would be good to look at the time and set a limit for myself before diving in.

If I am not 100% sure -- choose "No" -- and use my time more wisely and with the proper priorities that I want to live out.  Don't squander precious time with mindless actions to just fill time or be distracted from the things that matter most.

And in doing this, I hope I will feel more intentional about the when, where, and how of what I let into my life.  And hopefully.... I will be creating a more healthy balance overall.  I may not be perfect in this... but I know I need to try to do something different. It has begun.

*          *          *

*The average person stares at his/her phone 150 times per day. There is a term for cell phone addiction called "nomophobia"- short for "no mobile phone phobia".  Read more: "Your Cell Phone is Not Part of Your Body -- You Can Let It Go"   (Great title! And great reminder!)