Joy? In the Midst of Broken Glass and Disgusting Smells?

I heard the sound of crashing glass before I saw the mess... and I smelled the disgusting concoction before I had rounded the corner to the kitchen. When I surveyed the damage, my heart sunk.

My son stood in front of the open fridge with a plastic bottle of sparkling water in his hand and a look of complete shock. He was frozen in place with his feet covered in all the mess. Thankfully he wasn't injured by the glass shards. I put my flip flops on and rescued him from peril so he could finish his homework.

Take a look at the photo and see if you can decode the aroma. Hmmm, let's see...a combo of soy sauce, chili sauce, Worcester sauce and dill pickles.  The longer it took me to process the situation, the more the dark stains were seeping into the grout and oozing under the fridge and cabinets. Apparently my adjustable refrigerator door shelves are just a bit more adjustable than I would have liked since they fall off so easily.

When this happened, I was working on my Bible study lesson of James 1:1-12. "Consider it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds...." 
Consider THIS joy?  Sheesh... seriously... crazy talk.

So I spent an hour in the evening cleaning up glass and stains; and trying to neutralize the smell. I had plenty of time to think about how there could be joy in THIS and what was to be learned from this timely object lesson. As I let perspective find a way to permeate the moment, I realized many things.

• I was SO thankful that my temper did not erupt or that I did not spew angry words. I am continually surprised at how much I have changed over time and how God has helped me be different... and am so glad for it.  
• My son, who had been fussing about completing his homework, returned to his studies with a quiet and compliant attitude.  
• I realized that my floor was probably in desperate need of cleaning anyway. This was reinforced when my husband returned home from his business trip the next morning and asked how the grout in front of the fridge got so clean.
• I was thankful I have children to enjoy life with and yes, also make messes. They give me joy and purpose in my life as a mom. 
• I was thankful I have a home with a kitchen. 
• I was blessed to have a refrigerator to store my excess food in and keep it from perishing when just under 1 billion people in our world go to bed hungry every night. 
• I was mindful that I am really quite spoiled to have all of these blessings. 

 There is purpose in going through trials of many kinds. James 1 verses 3 through 5 explore this.

• You know...understanding is gained from various experiences. You can only know what has been lived through, participated in, received, studied or reflected on. You know because you have been in tough spots before and have not been destroyed. These experiences have enabled you to become different and change--to survive--and sometimes even learn to laugh.  
• Testing of your faith....there is opportunity to apply what we really believe is foundational truth and how life is to be lived as a result. It is worthless to say we believe something and then not apply it or live by it. In going through "stuff" we get to see what we are really made of and what we default to when our faith is challenged. 
• Produces perseverance... there is opportunity to demonstrate a steady persistence in spite of obstacles or discouragement because God's grace and help are given- now and into the future. 
• So that you may be mature and complete... In experiencing all that comes our way, we learn and grow and are better able to handle life's ups and downs with grace and peace.. and yes, even joy in the midst of circumstances. 
• If you lack wisdom, ask God who gives generously...when we come to the end of ourselves, we realize we need God's view on things.  We can find newness in our relationship, ability to listen with fresh ears, and be open to receive from our God who is the giver of all good things.  

Being Restored in Quiet and the Presence of God

I had the wonderful opportunity to talk to the UNLV Intervarsity Christian Fellowship group last night. They are an amazing group of college men and women who represent so many talents and also global diversity. I actually got sing in Mandarin Chinese last night during worship time. It reminded me of "For God so loved the world...." I pray for these students and their leaders as they let their lights shine on their university campus, which is located right downtown Las Vegas, and for whatever God has in store for them in their futures.

I got to speak about Daniel and his prayer in Daniel 9:1-19. How do you bring all that down to a 30 minute talk? It is so huge in content and meaning. I had pages and pages of my notes from study, I tried to select some key points and present them conversationally as best as I could. I had prayed much and tried to open myself to the Holy Spirit's leading.

Yet, as soon as I was done I felt like I should have done better. My thoughts began to race that maybe I should have prepared more or practiced more. I felt like I talked too much and maybe presented material too deep for their needs. I was critical of myself and as best as I tried to dismiss those feelings, there were there.

For sure there were things I could have done better. I am learning how to better speak to large groups. I am much more comfortable talking with small groups or one-on-one where you can dialogue and discuss. I could have definitely done better with my conclusion, but since I wasn't using notes I simply forgot some of that part. A win to preach without notes, but alas more development still to be done. I was mindful of the time limit I had been given and came in UNDER time! An improvement for me! So ultimately there were good things and still some things needing development. Ok, so now I know and will continue to grow.

This morning I was drawn to pick up my copy of The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. In doing so I received encouragement from my brother who lived in 1666 as a French monk. His main job was to was to work in the kitchen. He wrote:

"When I had finished [my work], I would examine how I had performed my duty: if I found well, I gave Him [God] thanks; if ill, I besought His pardon, and without losing heart I set my spirit right, and returned anew unto His Presence, as though I had never wandered from Him." 

What I am learning is that at moments where I falter or doubt--or simply fall on my face--there is such peace granted when I return my awareness to My God and His Presence instead of continuing to let my thoughts be negative, destructive or just spin. I took time this morning to just be quiet and "be" in God's Presence. It was relaxing and comforting. It gave me opportunity to stop striving, stop being critical about myself, and return my trust in my Lord who is the caretaker of all.

After I spent some time doing my devotional from "Jesus Calling" and did part of my James Bible study, I prepared to take a nap. I had reminded the students last night that if you began your prayers with praising God for who God is, then everything else would come into better focus and other things may not seem so big. So I practiced what I had preached. While laying down I offered my praise to God by recalling God's attributes (who God is) like Daniel did throughout his prayer. Then I rested.

As I woke and slowly resumed my day, part of a Bible verse came to mind so I looked it up.  When I read it, I smiled.

"For thus the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, has said, “In repentance and rest you will be saved, In quietness and trust is your strength.” Isaiah 30:15 NASB

Or perhaps easier to understand in this version: 

"This is what the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, says:“If you come back to me and trust me, you will be saved.If you will be calm and trust me, you will be strong.” NCV

 

Holding a Wounded Dove

It was a special day last week when I got to hold a dove in my hands. I didn't feel worthy to hold such a precious thing, especially so since I didn't know how it was wounded and knew it should be free.  

My son was supposed to come home with another family that we carpool with. It was getting later than usual for his return so I was wondering what they were doing. Turns out that they had discovered a dove on the ground. It was obviously hurt and my son refused to go home without it. So my friend, being the good mommy she is, called me and asked what I thought and told me she didn't have anything to transport it in. My sweet boy was asking to care for something he thought was important and special...so I found an empty shoe box and drove down to the park to meet them. 

When I arrived I found them huddled around the bird. I noticed that there was a foot hooked in the right wing so I untangled it. The bird did not flap its wings or try to fly away- it continued to lay there in the midst of the five of us. It was obviously weak, so the kids put some grass clippings and leaves in the box, then I scooped up the bird and placed it to rest inside. 

Back at home, Josh and I placed the box with the bird in the shade outside, but close to a window where we could monitor it. Josh asked me what we should name it. The first thing that came to mind was the story of Noah and how the dove came back with an olive branch (Genesis 8:8-12), so I said "Noah". There were other stories from the Bible involving doves that came to mind. Another story I quickly recalled was how the Spirit of God came from heaven in the form of a dove and descended on Jesus (Matthew 3:13-17) but I didn't think the name "Jesus" would be fitting for this dove. And somehow that just didn't seem right, so I just settled on Noah.

As I watched the dove in the box, my heart was softened and I had emotion towards the little thing. The eyes were open and looking, yet it did not seem to have fear. I wondered how long it had been wounded and if it needed water or food. So I made a little dish out of tinfoil and filled it with water. The kids had already crumbled up some crackers from their lunch boxes so I just opened a pea pod and added that to the mix. The bird didn't make a move to drink or eat. I figured it needed rest but wasn't sure if it just needed help in the weakened state. I scooped Noah up and cradled him in my hands. I gently dipped his beak in water and tried to make sure he had some moisture. He didn't flinch or try to flee. So I sat down on the grass and just held him. I had other things to do, but nothing seemed as important at the time as treasuring the moment. 

My daughter arrived home from school and came outside to ask me what I was doing. She asked if she could hold it--so I carefully transferred the bird into her cupped hands. We just sat and watched it. We stroked the feathers on the back and the head. The bird just sat quietly and looked at us. It looked tired and would sometimes close its eyes and lay its head down. The beak would open and close a little. Anna asked why it did that, but I said I didn't know. I had an idea but kept that within for the moment while hoping for the best.   

At some point the dove looked more "sleepy" and I thought it best to let it rest in the box. Anna transferred Noah back to me and I lovingly place it in the grassy nest inside the box. The dove's eyes closed more and the beak seemed to be opening and closing more--the breathing seemed labored. We left the dove alone but would all checked back on it and at some point when Josh returned, it was still. 

I told him I thought the bird had passed on. Josh asked if I was sure and was kind of quiet about it. I said I was pretty sure but we would need to just wait and see. He took a small stick and gently touched the dove to see if it would move. It did not. Both kids were solemn but Brian and I assured them that the dove had a peaceful and quiet place to be loved in the last hours of its earthly life. Brian said it was better than the bird being chased by kids or eaten by a dog (shocking thought). For the rest of the night and at bedtime, we reflected on the preciousness of life.  

The next morning Josh asked me to bury the dove in the backyard. After Josh was at school, Brian said we should just fling it over the back wall and let it be creature food (again, shocking thought). Josh had asked me to do something and I would keep my word. I dug a small hole near a shady bush in a spot that would not be disturbed. I once more held Noah the dove and laid him gently in the earth. I arranged his head so it was resting naturally and covered his body with dirt but paused before I covered his head. I said, "I'll see you again at Resurrection or when I arrive in Heaven." Then I softly put the soil over his head and arranged rocks over the spot. I selected a smooth flat rock and perched it on top.  

That afternoon I told the kids that I was thinking about the dove and wondered what it was doing. I knew it was alive in a different place. The bird left behind its earthly shell, but went on to live in newness. I wondered if we would see it again one day. Would it be sitting on heaven's gate and sing us a song? Would it be flying around and lead us to our first amazing audience with Jesus? I don't know but I hoped so.  

I have been thinking about this since it happened days ago and it still is emotional. Life is so precious and yet so temporary. 

"Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. 

You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away."

James 4:14 NASB

Life is special but also so fragile. Life is to be lived well each day as if that day was a precious gift and may be your last. I will write more about my reflections about life and death in future blog posts. Meanwhile, my hope is that we will choose to live well today--to slow down, and treasure the precious moments that come into our lives.

"The Lord is gracious and compassionate, 

slow to anger and rich in love.  

The Lord is good to all;

he has compassion on all he has made."

Psalm 145:8-9 NIV/TNIV

Retreat Hiking

Photos by Anne Wesley Hale

This week I got to enjoy the beauty of Red Rock Canyon for a day hike. I LOVE hiking and it still catches me by surprise how much I truly do. I enjoy putting on my comfortable Keen hiking boots and filling my CamelBak. I put my hair in a ponytail, ball cap on, and forgo my make-up. This love of hiking and being with God in Creation has been one of the biggest surprises for me since we moved to Nevada about 6 years ago. It makes feel feel alive and gives me great joy, renewal, and rejuvenation.  

It wasn't that outdoor life was foreign to me--quite the contrary. My formative years were spent in the rolling hills and lake country of Minnesota. I also spent time in the Army and logged many miles walking (road marching and patrolling) through various landscapes. I have lived and traveled in many different places with plenty to explore and behold.  

For some reason though, along the way my love of nature wasn't something I recognized. While growing up it was always around me, so perhaps I didn't value it. In the military it was forced-- and normally done at night or while sleep deprived, so maybe I let that confuse the parts I did enjoy. And while we have lived and visited many spectacular places of the world, I didn't know how to slow down to really savor it.  

And then there was time in the mommy fog. I love my children and love being a mom, but it was a bit of an adjustment. I looked to others to help me find my way, read books, and participated in various Women's Ministries and Retreats. There were parts of it all that I valued and loved, but there was little discussion about adventure or being in nature. Most women's events were hosted inside, packed full of planned activities, and had lots of talking and singing. I didn't always connect with the video based or workbook style of study. I craved to simply dive into the pages of my Bible and learn what it said. I started to realize that I didn't quite feel at home and I beat myself up about it. "It must be me," I said to myself. Other women seemed content. But I wasn't content and I could not ignore it.

So when we moved to Nevada, my family started exploring the beautiful aspects of God's Creation nearby. I discovered more and more how much I loved it. I enjoyed being away in quieter places where there was space and fewer people. When I say loved it, I mean that it made me come alive.  

This has all come as a bit of a surprise to me who had tended towards a more extroverted side of life in my previous years. I have come to realize that there are different ways that people connect with God. One size doesn't fit all and maybe there are even different seasons in our faith journey. And that is ok. Gary Thomas wrote a book called Sacred Pathways that explores different ways of meeting with God. I have come to realize that I reflect several different "pathways"and one of those is that of the Naturalist--drawing near to God through nature. I also feel most connected with God through Intellectual [drawing near by loving God with "all my mind"], Ascetics [drawing near to God through solitude, silence and simplicity], and Contemplative [drawing near to God through an awareness of God's presence in all things].  

It is something I am still experimenting with and striving to live out. So what I got to do while hiking this week was part of that extended journey of discovery. As I reflected on it, I realized what I experienced could be explained through the idea of "Retreat".  

There is a section on Retreat in the Spiritual Disciplines Handbook by Adele Ahlberg Calhoun and it speaks to my heart. It isn't just being in nature that is appealing to me--it is also the ability to withdraw, find quiet, and push back from the demands of life for a time. It is a way to make space for renewing my relationship with God. Calhoun writes, "In the presence of the holy One we enter into silence and solitude and rest in God."(67) I highly recommend the book as a guide for your own spiritual journey. There is more to explore than I am writing about. And quite frankly, your story of journey may present unique discoveries when you walk the pathway.  

For me, I found that my time during retreat hiking brought alive the pages of the Bible.  

I remembered the example of Jesus who often withdrew to quiet places even though there were plenty of things he had to do and crowds of people demanding his time."Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.  So they went away by themselves...to a solitary place." Mark 6:31-32

At one of the toughest parts of Jesus life, he chose a garden as his place to pray and connect with God. "When he had finished praying, Jesus left with his disciples...on the other side [of the valley] was a garden, and he and his disciples went into it." John 18:1  Luke tells us that it was usual for Jesus to go there.  Luke 22:39

During my hike, a light breeze was present at Red Rock and and there were fresh smells from the desert plants still greened from lots of rain. I saw bluebirds and butterflies. It was quiet enough to hear the sound of the bird wings flapping as they flew by. I stood in a green meadow amongst delicate wildflowers and grasses. I stood beside still streams and places where water made bubbling sounds when it flowed over the rocks. It reminded me:  "You let me rest in fields of green grass.  You lead me to streams of peaceful water, and you refresh my life." Psalm 23:2-3 (Contemporary English Version)

That morning the rains threatened our hike, but we all agreed to go anyway. It was a delight for me to discover that my friends weren't deterred by the idea of getting wet. The weather turned out to be beautiful on the West side of town at Red Rock Canyon. It may not have rained that day--but I did get wet when I slipped off a rock in the creek we were hiking. There was a "kaploosh" and then the sound of me sloshing through the water. One of my friends turned, looked at me, and smirked. I smiled back. I never returned to walking on the rocks but instead loved the feel of walking in the water.  

I have been blessed along the way to find a few women who also enjoy being outdoors, hiking, and connecting to God in Creation. I find that I am not as weird as I thought. I just needed to find the courage to express my heart and, in doing so, found others who felt the same way... and now we journey together. And I am so thankful that they are also my Christian sisters.  

Next Retreat Hike I want to go in search of waterfalls.  If you would like to come along, just let me know. Come and see for yourself... and we'll talk about it.    

To Multitask, or Not To Multitask, That is the Question

Last week I walked my son to school. We stopped to look at roly-poly bugs-- he commented that they looked like small tanks. We discussed how Bill Watterson was really good at drawing snowmen in his Calvin and Hobbes cartoons. We were both impressed at how much expression can be given to such a simple object. We just chatted along the way. It wasn't life shattering discussion, but it was fun time spent together.

In order to walk Josh to school, we drive down the hill from our home, leave the car at a local park, and walk the remaining 1/3 mile to the school campus. We get to bypass the stream of cars that sit bumper-to-bumper in traffic each morning and creep along. We also get to bypass the parking congestion near the school. It is an intentional choice to choose to walk instead of just dropping him off on the curb.

On the walk back, I realized that I had forgotten my cell phone in the car. Normally I would have been "multitasking"--walking, checking emails, looking at texts, whatever. The point is that I would have been focused on something else instead of where I actually was. I realized how freeing it was to have nothing in my hands and simply enjoy the morning. My mind was available to recount the time I had just shared with Joshua, to smell the freshness, look at the clouds in the blue sky, and have a few moments as an undivided self.

It made me ask myself, "Why do I think multitasking is the norm for how I need to live my life?" So I began to think this through.

• I racked my brain. I tried to remember when I was first taught to "multitask"? Was it high school? College business classes? ROTC or training as an Army Officer? The corporate world? It is frustrating and at the same time interesting that I can't pinpoint the time when I was actually taught this concept... but it sure has taken root within me. It has become so much part of who I am and how I think I need to act if I am to be efficient and productive. Oh wow, "efficient" and "productive"-two more terms that seem to be a default for me and need to be pondered.

• I did research. I discovered the definition of multitasking is to perform two or more tasks simultaneously. I read that the first published use of the word "multitask" appeared in an IBM paper describing the capabilities of the IBM System/360 in 1965.Source  It appears that it originated as a term used for computers--of which I am not. It turned out that there was much written on multitasking. I had to concede that multitasking is not evil and may be a valid requirement in some life occupations. In some situations it may be a helpful thing--in some...but not all. Ok, I acknowledged that. 

• I recounted personal observations. I noticed that multitasking may impose a kind of amnesia. Case in point, I was in the kitchen last week getting the lunches packed for kids while also doing things on my smart phone and talking to my husband about his work schedule. Apparently, I was participating in the conversation with mindless "umhum" responses. At one point Brian asked me directly, "Did you hear a word of what I just said?"I said yes. He asked me to repeat it. I stopped what I was doing, looked up at him, and just smiled--I couldn't recall a single word. The lights were on but I wasn't home. Yikes--scary.

It turns out there can be a downside to multitasking. It can cause you to miss out in relationships, emotions, and experiences. There is much discussion about how multitasking may not be helpful or not always be the best choice. Wow- who knew? This article revealed a lot of things for me to personally think about.

Here is a snapshot and link to the full article.  12 Reasons to Stop Multitasking.

1. You're not really multitasking but rather task-switching
2. It's slowing you down
3. You're making mistakes and having a 40% loss of productivity
4. It's stressing you out
5. You're missing out on life and experiencing "inattentional blindness" where cell phone talkers are technically looking at their surroundings but not actually registering it in their brains.  
6. Your memory may suffer 
7. It's hurting your relationships
8. It can make you overeat
9. You're not actually good at it
10. It's dampening your creativity
11. You can't OHIO (Only Handle it Once)
12. It can be dangerous

Ouch... there is so much that rings true. I try to convince myself that I can effectively manage my busyness and my tendency to have multiple focuses. I think I can be all places at once and handle it.  Yet in trying to do so, everything just gets a small piece of me--not my best. And that small piece may be a frantic stress case who is technically there but still actually absent.

Too much multitasking makes me feel like I am imposing a form of schizophrenia on myself. I am choosing to exist in a state of disorganized speech and thinking which causes me to have certain elements of social and occupational dysfunction. It honestly wears me down and leaves me feeling frazzled.

I know how relaxing and satisfying it is when instead I live more fully present in my body, soul, mind and emotions--in each moment and the day I have been given. I feel less exhausted and more content. I tend to enjoy the quality of my tasks and finishing them well. I can have freedom to have a single focus on just one thing when that is the better choice.

So, do I have to default to multitasking as my norm in life? The answer is thankfully "no".

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So teach us to number our days,

That we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Psalm 90:12

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