Do We Have Permission to Admit Weakness?

As I was processing after writing my former blog post: Admitting my Weakness--Five Years of Recovering from Illness, I realized that I probably needed to clarify a few things. My even admitting that I am weak or ill can mess with people's beliefs about what is acceptable or allowed as a Christian. I offer this blog post from another author as food-for-thought: Shaming Christians Who Are Sick.

In the years before I was sick myself, I served as a hospital chaplain and visited others. In these situations it was refreshingly beautiful and humbling to be a listener to those who didn't feel the need to be fake or pretend. They would honestly share from the depths of their hearts and reality. Then we would often offer these honest places to God in prayer and ask that God be with them in the depths of their bodies, souls, minds, hearts, and all other places mentioned. We remembered the name given for Jesus-- Emmanuel, God with us. (Matt 1:23)

Then I got sick myself and became my own patient--and needed to open to others for support and care. This took the "with God life" to a whole new level. One of the questions I processed was, "Why?" Another question I processed was, "Was it ok to accept my weakness?" These questions helped me continue to have honest conversation with God.

In the past day, I rediscovered a journal entry from Sep 2014 as I was processing early into the unknown:

"Here is what I am wondering God-- what is the reason for my noticeable heartbeat and my feelings of dizziness and exhaustion? Should I pray for healing of my body? Am I lacking faith that you could heal me and restore me? Or am I right to pray for healing in an open and permissible way that allows you to use this to to heal me and restore me, not only the physical, but with focus on my mind, soul and heart? Total healing comes in many packages--including death--but I desire to live--to truly live fully and lightly--in service and love of my family and others. How O Lord am I to journey? What do you desire of me?"

Honest feelings and expressing them before God is permissible. I have found it completely ok to bring our whole selves to God-- to come as we are and open all ourselves before Him. He already knows what we are thinking anyway-- but in being honest, we come to know ourselves better and to open to what the rest of the story as God then has room to share with us more than we know or can see at that present moment.

We see permission for weakness and admitting our places of need in the Bible:

• There is a whole genre called lament in the Bible. Room for passionate expression of grief or sorrow. Room to share with God in the bad and ugly moments. Room to be honest. Read more  in this article: Biblical Laments: Prayer Out of Pain

• Jesus himself admitted he was weak. It was a very real place for him and he expressed it. He didn't pretend it was all ok and gloss over it. 

• Elijah comes to mind from 1 Kings 19. He was ready to give up and prayed to die. He slept and was cared for by an angel. It was permissible for him to have time for rest and recovery. It wasn't until later that God asked him to get up and Elijah obeyed. But first Elijah leaned into rest and God allowed that without judgment or criticism. 

"Elijah was afraid and ran for his life... he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” 

• We read Psalm 23-- ah so nice and comforting, right? And then see new surprises in verse 2 like, "He makes me lie down..." which shocked me when I saw it. "Makes me"... wow. The laying down comes before the "restoring my soul" in verse 3. 

• We read Psalm 139:5 and find, "You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand on me." The awareness that God met the Psalmist in a very closed space and blocked the way forward or for retreat. There was comfort given with the Lord laying His hand on the person. I think of this like a sheep in a pen and being petted to help it calm down. 

• The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness and when we don't know what to say. We can groan (or sigh, cry, etc) as ways of acceptable prayer and receive help. Weakness is the place that brings us in cooperation with the Spirit. 

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." Romans 8:26

• The Apostle Paul asked God to take away the "thorn" in his life-- something truly bothering him and Paul wanted it to go away. God said no. Whatever Paul desired to be removed was left so that in weakness Paul would depend on God and not himself. And God promised that His grace would be sufficient-- more than enough. Paul did ongoing ministry even while struggling, coping with, and living with this issue. It did not go away, yet Paul was faithful and no one would ever argue that he was not used by God. Paul learned that admitting and living in weakness resulted in more of the God story to be revealed. Read more in 2 Cor 12. 

"I was given a thorn in my flesh... Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me." verse 7-8

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. This is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, insults, in hardships... For when I am weak, then I am strong." verse 9-10

And finally, Christians throughout history have had illness and weakness that they admitted and have lived openly with. They still served the Lord in amazing ways and we know who they are and what they endured from their stories and faith examples passed down over time. Here are a few:

• Hildegard of Bingen (1098-1179) experienced illness, weakness, and pain. Yet she also had amazing conversations and time with God that she writes about and are inspiring. She had a vibrant ministry especially for a woman in her time. She had a different way of seeing God-- one that transcended the era she lived in and lives on.

• St. Francis of Assisi (1181-1226) is said to have experienced illness from years of poverty and wandering. He also began to go blind. Yet he was a powerful man of God who served many in his ministry and his example.

• St. Ignatius of Loyola (1491-1556) walked with a physical limp, bodily deformity, after a battle injury and two surgeries. Plus he also appears to have had other physical issues that often left him ill or slowed him down. His autobiography is full of these moments. He often remained behind to rest and recover while his ministry companions went ahead. Ignatius learned much in his way of journey with the Lord and shares rich, life-giving wisdom as a result. I am processing this more for my doctorate paper and finding it so inspiring. Ignatius is a brother to me who shows me so much. 

• Mother Teresa (1910-1997) is said to have suffered from severe heart disease and still served the Lord in wonderful, humble, gentle ways that changed the lives of many. 

• Plus many, many more examples. In fact, so many of the historic Christians we admire had times of admitted weakness, illness, struggles, and hardships. They didn't gloss over them, but fully lived them and kept company with Jesus. They shared with us from what they experienced in their place of real need. The family of God throughout history are wonderful companions as part of the "cloud of witnesses" in Hebrews 12:1. 

So-- do we have permission to admit weakness? I suggest that we do.

And maybe in pondering and consider these Biblical and historical Christian examples, we will find more room for our own "with God life" in whatever circumstances we find ourselves. Even if limping, sick, healing, or wondering what is going on-- because our weakness can be the very place for God to companion us and show us His strength, presence and love in amazing ways formerly inconceivable.

And maybe, just maybe, there is also room to continue to serve God as we are and continue to allow God to use us, our gifts, and our experience as we say "yes" to God's invitations to join His work. But we do so in the proper rhythm we need to be mindful of and in continually opening to the ways of grace that are also required to be sustained. May we also give this grace to others.

*                      *                     *