Memorial Day and the Power of Stories

Photo by Ellysia Banks- Arlington National Cemetery

This weekend is Memorial Day.  For many it may be a welcome break that provides a three-day holiday.  For others, it may be a highly emotional time of remembering.

Memorial Day was established to commemorate those who lost their lives in military service. It is also by extension a day many choose to remember those we have loved and are no longer living earthly life.

It is wonderful to take time to intentionally remember.  We need to find more ways to celebrate the brave and honorable who no longer live in flesh and blood. We need to honor all who have contributed to our freedom.  We need to find ways to discuss the tough stuff so together we can grieve, learn, and find perspective...and newness.  We need to tell the stories that are part of our families and commemorate those who left us rich legacies.  We need to slow down and remember and share our stories.

Yesterday as I was serving as a chaplain at one of the local hospitals in my community, I was reminded about the value of honoring Memorial Day.

I had a surprise encounter with a Vietnam Veteran (Marine) who spent 2 years as a Prisoner of War (POW). We shared a time of storytelling and in the process I came to a whole new level of understanding about sacrifice and the brave legacy of others.  This was not a traditional "war story" but one that had a twist.

The Vietnam Veteran and his wife had invited me to pray for them during our visit together.  I extended the invitation to them that we all pray together.  As I extended my open hands, they each reached out to hold one of my hands-- and then held the hand of their spouse.  The Veteran prayed first, a beautiful heart-felt and emotional prayer about the current health concerns for his wife.  The Veteran reminded us all in his prayer that "where two or more are gathered, there I am in the midst" ... and I could feel God's presence with us. Note The wife had said she would just listen--so I prayed to close the moment.

What happened next was an incredible gift.  As we continued to talk and share life together, the wife gestured towards her husband and told me he had spent time as a POW.  The Veteran nodded and then proceeded to tell me about the moment he got to go home and what freedom meant for him.  It was emotional for him when he said, "I am home."

And then he said, "And one thing I will never forget is this..." and then he started to talk in another language that I did not understand.  From his stance and focused look in his eyes, I could tell it was obviously meaningful to him.  At the end of this he bowed and with a forward sweeping gesture of his hand said, "And peace be with you."  I was amazed and stunned.  I realized I had experienced something precious. In softness I asked, "What was it that you just shared with us?"

The former POW then proceeded to tell me about a Vietnamese woman who was in the POW camp with him.  He said they called her mama san. Note  She was older than the soldiers and she was imprisoned for trying to help set the American POWs free.  He was clearly reflective and emotional as he told me his story. I tried to listen well. There was a special fondness the veteran shared for his fellow POW.  It seemed like there was so much going on behind his eyes that he did not share with me--but I was honored with what he did share.

He proceeded to tell me that mama san had taught him The Lord's Prayer, in Vietnamese, while he was a POW.  It was this prayer that he had shared with me in such a beautiful and spontaneous way.  He said that he repeated it just as she had taught him.  I asked if she also did the bow, hand gesture, and added "And peace be with you" at the end.  He responded that he did it just as she had taught him.  The gift to me in that present moment was this POW telling me how he had received encouragement from this woman while he suffered.  Mama san not only knew The Lord's Prayer--she taught it the other POWs-- and they prayed together in that way.  And yet there I was, perhaps 50+ years later, feeling like I had been allowed to share this interconnected relational moment.  And in the process was learning of this special part of history, faith, and relationships that I never knew existed.  And I felt a present sadness to learn that mama san had died three days before the liberation of the Prisoner of War camp.

I felt like I had received an amazing gift that transcended time.  It permeated the present as it connected seamlessly with the past.  It was the sharing of powerful stories which offered the treasure of broadened perspective and commemorated the rich legacy of lives lived in earthly, tough, painful ways--yet found comfort and hope together.  And I felt honored to know this former POW and this special woman he introduced me to.

As my visit was coming to a close, I had an inner-tension about how to gently transition from this visit.  I felt like I wanted to stay and hear more, but other patients desired visits as well. As I thanked the couple for sharing this time with me I felt humbled that I was entrusted with such special and personal memories.

And then it just naturally happened.  I offered the gentleman the best salute I had within me from my years in the Army.  His eyebrows went up for a moment and without missing a beat, he snapped to attention and gave me a crisp salute back.  And somehow that just seemed right.

As Memorial Day approaches, may we be mindful of all who gave their lives in service to others.  And may we be mindful of the people like mama san, who although not American or U.S. military, also shared in the suffering and sacrifice. 

This Memorial Day weekend take time to remember.  Make space for the telling and listening of stories.  And leave room to share the legacies of ALL who should be remembered for their part in this grand story throughout history.

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Additional Thought:  

If we are not careful, Memorial Day can become another Veterans Day. I empathize with this woman who voiced her concern in the Baltimore Sun:

"Today is Memorial Day, not Veterans Day.

All across social media and elsewhere, I see well-meaning declarations thanking members of the military for their service. As full of good intentions as these statements are, they are still troubling.

When you thank the living on the day meant to honor the dead, it’s a little bit awkward for everyone involved.

I am not a veteran, so I can’t speak for what it’s like for them (not even the one I’m married to), but this day feels like one of reflection. One is likely mourning ones’s lost colleagues, possibly contemplating that the smallest change in circumstances could have led to one’s own demise. 

To be thanked for service in this context seems uncomfortable, to put it mildly. 

So today, let’s remember those who gave their lives."

In contrast to the author of this editorial, I am a veteran. I served for 8-years on active duty in the United States Army.  Yet, I admit I often share the same uncomfortable feelings expressed by the author above. Memorial Day is a day of remembering the men and women who died while serving, while Veterans Day celebrates the service of all U.S. military veterans. Note  We need to be careful not to confuse the meanings and intent.

I understand wanting to honor others and I am proud to be a veteran myself, but I personally do not want to be affirmed or mentioned on Memorial Day.  I would rather it be a time where we can honor those who who have come before us.  I would rather it be a time to listen to the wisdom of those, who may no longer live amongst us, but still have much to teach from their examples and legacies that live on.